kinda feel weird tonight.. i wish i have someone beside me..

there are things that have to be said..
but i think this one i better keep it for my self..
it's the best for me and others..
huff..

euforia 3 hari..

God,

if he is the one, please make him mine..

if he isn't, please make me forget..

thx..

-pengenalan kampus 2010-

birthday.. ^^

happy birthday to meeeee.. ^^

yup, aku berulang tahun ke 21 hari ini.. banyak dkasih kejutan.. seneng juga.. hehe.. hari sabtu makan di caza suki sama kluarga.. trus td malem2 jam12 dkasih kue coklat sama papa mama kaka joe.. trus dkampus dkasih blueberry cheese cake factory dari temen2.. trus makan2 di pizza hut sama temen2..

kue dkampus sih bener2 gak dsangka.. soalnya trakhir kali dkasih kue sama tmen kyk nya pas 17th, sma brarti ya.. itu juga karena ada yang mau repot2.. stelah itu gak pnah lagi, krn blm nemuin lagi yang mau repot.. hehe.. so, i'm happy today.. thx for my big sis too who arrange this.. ^^

ada kue, brarti ada first cake.. tiba2 mreka rame banget triak2.. haha.. so, daripada lama, mending dkasihin.. the lucky person was ronald aka kuncen.. pcuma juga kasih yang laen.. pasti mreka gmw trima.. bner2 iseng deh anak2.. haha..

ngmg2 soal first cake, jadi inget festival pangan pas smester 4.. someone gave me his first cake.. di depan panggung, ditonton 1 angkatan, dosen, sama asisten.. heboh banget pokoknya.. -_-" that kind yet confusing person was clement.. and i was so shocked.. haha.. musti nya biar seru tadi dkasih nya ke dia aja ya.. too bad he wasn't around when the crowd gone mad this afternoon.. haha..

trus makan2 deh slese kelas di pizza hut semanggi.. tiba2 dtarik ke situ, panik juga kan ya.. secara maria gak bawa uang.. haha.. udah ada yang duduk di situ pula.. ada bbx, tedjo, epi, fanny, sama nessi.. ternyata si nana sudah janjian sama si mama.. so, tadi sore yang mau berbaik hati meluangkan waktu ada nana eas ferri nita nessi kuncen tejo bbx tif adit icha sama fanny.. too bad no photo was taken.. i kinda didn't remember to take any shoot for this precious moment.. anyway, thx all.. ^^

and the next few day, tanggal 12 tepatnya aku dapet 1 kue lagi.. dari panitia pengenalan kampus.. haha.. bener2 deh taun ini..

dan buat yang sangat baik hati juga, masih mengingat maria,, ada fabrian yang nelpon maria malem2, padahal dsana jam 3 pagi.. thx for you.. ^^
ada danta juga yang baik betul sampe kirim hadiah.. thx to you too dear.. ^^

so,, i' really really happy today.. thx for all person who was kind enough to remember and moreover celebrate my birthday.. love you all.. <3

for you..

i will deny it no more..
but still,
i will say no word..
just for my self,
love you..

re-fall

orhtros no inu.. and i'm certainly fall in love again with both of them.. ^^

confuse as always..

well,, just read what my dear pal wrote to me.. and yup, I'm in denial.. pretty hard one i guess.. i like him, no doubt about it.. but i know, i won't make it good, no matter what.. i'm too selfish.. so, i guess it will hurt him if he try to involve in my life..

you know,, there's loads of question that i actually want to ask, which of course i can't.. is it ok to always want you around? is it ok to always be just friend? am i being a bad person? am i already hurt you? am i really LOVE him? or is it just temporary? is it ok to be this selfish? gosh, i hate my self..

well, i'm the worst person ever.. i'm the meanest person ever.. sorry.. not only to that one person who i guess would never read this blog.. but also to you, who probably would read this.. i know i've already hurt you..

say, should i somehow change my self? should i leave them alone? but, again because of my ego, i can't.. i'm too afraid to lose that comfort zone..

well, i really am the worst.. -_-"